Tuesday, January 4, 2011
You know how sometimes you need a Big, REALLY BIG wake up call...well I guess you could say I received one in mid Dec of 2010. I discovered that I was, at the age of 41, pregnant with my 4th child. I was surprised, but I am also delighted. This has turned into a opportunity to help me see things with a tad more focus...to find the wellspring of clarity and determination that was always inside of me, but I had not been connecting consistently. To put it bluntly I was spending far too much time focusing on what I did not want. For me that just sucked up a lot of energy and made me feel sad and miserable. I dont enjoy that kind of energy in my life, I knew it was only a matter of time before things had to change, and change it did!
Being pregnant has put my body into an interesting space along with my mind. Listening to and observing the many changes that are taking place in me has been anything but dull. The last 3 weeks I have spent a lot of time in bed due to a bout of the flu and I think just physical, mental and emotional fatigue in general. I have had a bit of time to contemplate and meditate upon my life, where I am at and where I see myself headed. I feel that I have acquired some new tools that are greatly assisting me on many different levels and for this I am feeling far better than I had previously, and I can tell that it's only going to continue to get better and better.
Anyone who has taken the time to read my blog or knows anything about me via my online networking, knows that I have been into raw and living foods for over 12 years now. I am not saying I have done anything spectacular to change the landscape of raw foods, but I do know a lot of people who are. I have gotten to know many incredible people over the years, watching them grow and evolve as they pursued their passion for living foods, inspiring myself and others with their commitment to the Raw Lifestyle. So I was feeling like Yay for them and Blah humbug for me...great attitude eh?
Somewhere along the line, (this last year especially) I just lost my lust for food in general. I found myself becoming complacent, indifferent and even angry at food. I could blame a lack of income, or time but honestly I feel that it was mostly a lack of interest on my part. I just lost that lovin feeling that I had for raw foods. I found that it was convenient to eat what others were eating, and I began to pack on some pounds too, which never helps me to feel my best... so to make a sad pity party story short, I just fell into a slump and wallowed around in it long enough to get a heaping helping of all the emotions that make me feel farthest from myself. Nothing like feeling disconnected from joy and happiness to get me moving in the opposite direction.
With the help of some really great books I am not only well on my way to feeling better than I have in a long while, I now have the extra added blessing of this little bun in my oven helping me feel a rush of enthusiasm for life that seemed to have dimmed. I am not only excited by food once again but I am down right giddy with glee over all the possibilities. It's like someone ripped me out of a grey world of numbing humdrums and threw me into a color splashed renaissance of beauty and adventure.
My world and my life is coming alive once again and in the middle of winter I am feeling myself bloom with possibilities that are capturing my imagination and bursting forth with the most delightful of ideas for my own personal happiness and growth.
I know that 2011 is Grand, because I feel it, I see it. It's all around me, clearly in focus and I am saying Yes to what I want, not holding anything back. Sometimes it's good to let go and free-fall for awhile, its not taking steps backwards as much as it is falling in love with a whole new perspective on life...the view is astounding when you take the time to look and dare to do more than just dream...dare to live what is really inside your heart! What else is more important? Nothing...who has the power to stop you? YOU and only you!!!
What has helped me through the dark:
The book, Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks
Keeping a Food, Yoga & Dream journal
Focusing on appreciation helps one move through the negative energy
Soaking up the outdoors and Sunshine as much as possible
Checking out Vegan Food Blogs...They really rock and I will be posting some of my fav's
Being a hermit when I need to and loving myself enough to create a space for quiet reflection
My next post will have some really delicious thoughts and tools for you to savor and use if you are so inclined :)