Thursday, April 30, 2009

Lets Get Naked!

I started to feel fat around the age of 8. I was a teenager in the 80's. If you have ever watched an 80's movie then you know how superficial and stuck up people could be. I never really felt comfortable in my own skin as a young girl and I am sure had a large lack of self esteem...that part of my life though painful and beautiful in its own way, really is now over. So why is it so hard to let it go? I see woman of all ages that seem to feel the same way, I want to know why is it so hard to love ourselves unconditionally? Why does it seem that way on some days and not at all on other days...How can I look at myself in the mirror one morning and be happy with what I see and a couple of days later I take a look and see hideous beast staring back at me....haha.... I say to myself, is this the most important thing for me to focus on right now? Whats not the truth here that I am not seeing. I needed to see, I needed to see myself just as I am for the first time in almost 20 yrs. I needed to see where I was and where I wanted to go...but I needed to really see myself, not the stories I told myself,....stories made up long ago were meant to help me back then, but now are only hold me back from living my bliss....I wanted to Live my life without Fear.

I went to Reno thinking I was doing something that would help others, and I hope it did, but it helped me in a way I was not anticipating. Until I was actually experiencing things outside of my normal routine and comfort zone, there was no way for me to break through, all the thought patterns that have been doing me a dis-service. In Reno and around the people I came to know and care about, I found that I was in a loving and safe environment to continue my healing from my own personal life and to be able to observe myself in a non-judgmental way...until i was the observer I could not detach from the emotional reactions, which only cause suffering...I am just ready to move on from suffering that is un-neccesary. So Reno, actually helped me through a really stressful time in my life, and it opened my eyes to what people can create with one another when the energy and love is there...that energy and love does take work and comittment, but from what I could tell it is well worth it.

The point of this post is this: As a Woman or Female, how do you love and accept yourself? What do you do or say to feel connected to your inner most heart? I really would like to know, because Im am curious as to how others see themselves. When the girls and I did the photo shoot with bohocrush for the Raw in Reno Wrap Up, I have to tell you that I was very nervous. All the girls at the shoot, are so young and beautiful and their bodies all delightfully firm and nubile...and then they all happy to be naked and revel in their beauty, made me feel really self concious! Something I found out that night was that all of them said that they had things about thier bodies that bothered them...that they worried too, but that it was hardly worth worrying about. Well I felt a lot better after hearing that, but honestly it was very hard for me to be naked, even with all the hide behind...and thats ok. Its like I wanna be naked and be totally cool with my body, but for decades I had trained myself to not be cool with my own body...and it hurts to go against somthing you have conditioned yourself to do and think, but let me also point out that it hurts more to do nothing about it, to just accept lies about yourself, when in fact your body is a beautiful, miraculous gift that as far as we know has a temporary shelf life. So with that in mind why not strip off your clothes, and take a good look at yourself with the eyes of love...change what ever you can...lovingly...and learn to love what you cannot change....because the joy wears far better on the face, then the look of bitterness and resignation. I choose to love the body I have, because it has helped me live the most incredible experiances in my life thus far...I have grown from a baby to a child into a woman and experianced childbirth and loving....growing....finally moving into this new place in my life. I am going to be 40 at the end of May, and not that age matters, but I just dont have the interest in wasting any of my precious time living in fear. Fear of what others will think of me, what I think of myself when I forget to observe with love, what choices I make and why...if I wasnt willing to look my fears in the eye, I would never have left Missouri and hauled my cookies to Reno. But I when the opportunity presented itself I stepped forward and said yes...YES!

I want you to know that after the photo shoot I cried, because of stress and frustration...I wanted to be ok in my body, to show it without shame, to feel beautiful just being naked, without hiding...I choose not to let myself experiance that because of fear, because I felt to many things and all those things were just not even true. Because my Beauty is me, who I am, not my body alone, but who I am on the inside, from my heart...thats whats real and important. I dont ever want to put limitations on my life...its all about attitude, and attitude will get you farther in life than beauty that is temporary at best, and will always grow and change as you grow and change. The body will age, but how it ages, the way it ages has more to do with your attitude than anything else! (toxins aside)....I just wanted people to know how I felt, and what the story was with the Photoshoot, and why loving ourselves is so incredibly essential and important when making any lasting change for our own happiness and well being.

So go ahead and say Yes to opportunities that life may present you...if it feels right..

Observe yourself when you are saying it valid or fearbased

Wake up everymorning and smile because you are Alive!

When You Look in the Mirror...Fall in Love with the Bliss that is YOU!

This is how I am living my Bliss at present :)

I am doing it by continuing to practice Acro Yoga and Hatha Yoga.
by creating a space around me that is open, clean and uncluttered so that I feel creative and energetic. By going for walks and bicycle rides. By making Raw Foods that I love to eat and by spending time with my children. I make time for whats important to my happiness so that I can spend my time doing whats most important for myself so I can share my bliss with those I love. So to share my bliss with others, means I need to accept bliss for myself by doing the best I can daily, and to live as much in the present as possible. When you are firmly anchored in the present moment, fear really has no place in the picture, unless you give it a place to start.

I wrote this post cause I was scared you know, I had to do it! :)



1 comment:

NoPantsDance said...

mmmhmm! I am so happy to see that you SEE! :) thank you for sharing your beauty and for loving yourself enough to grow.. grateful for your love and lessons.