Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Special Guest Connie Brown-Caldwell pt 2


Funny thing happened on the way to nowhere special...
By Connie Brown-Caldwell.

I am still amazed by things that happen to me. Last week, I made a quick dash into a local Kwik Trip to grab a coffee. No special day. No special circumstance, just wanted (needed) a tall caffeinated something. As I throw the Grand Prix trany clumsily in park, I spied a black hearse parked opposite my car at nearly an identical angle. And let me tell ya, it looked "occupied" if you will.

The driver and his live passenger, riding shotgun, exited the wagon and darted for the very same coffee spigot I was contemplating. The thing was, for a moment I wondered if they has shut off the vehicle and/or locked the doors. For what, I then speculated. The third party in the luxury box was not likely to go anywhere and was not likely to care about a would-be car theft, for that matter, should one ensue.

I further pondered what the two men would think if I, myself, would just jump in and fly down the highway like some Rob Zombie video. I would feel really cool for like 10 minutes and then panic when I realized that I was toting a dead body in a stolen rig. I dunno, sounded like a funny stunt just for a minute. So the two guys would come out with coffee and glazed donuts to discover their charge was missing. And, for my money, that is almost the funnier part, imagining the thoughts going through their heads. Who would they call? 911? And say...? Would they call the family of the dearly abducted? Would they sit on the curbed Kwik Trip sidewalk and just drink their coffee and suck the sweet donut residue from their fingers?

Ok. So these and many more thoughts all weaved and waddled through my own brain before I even pulled the door handle of my own ride. Yeah- I was still in my car this whole time. At the final second I decided that this was a photo opp far too rare and not oft encountered, so I had to get the shot. Do I waste precious seconds and get the Nikon out of the carrying case on my right? Do I piss around getting the right angle, the proper focus? Do I make sure to get the Kwik Trip sign in the background to really drive home the context? No time. Camera phone. Flip it, hit camera button and shoot.

I opened my door and slid not so casually out of the car. I positioned the camera at the desired angle and tried to look as if I were reading a text msg rather than shooting oddities in gas station parking lots. I noticed the men coming back. I snapped the picture.

Do you know the glazed donut nutritional values? I Googled it and found the label on the left. Now, I am no nutritionist, but I would imagine that there are a lot worse things to eat. That precious frosty coating over an oil-laden bagel. I would've expected 300 calories and 12+ grams of fat. Not so. Who knew? I am suspicious by nature, so I went directly to the Kwik Trip site to verify the chart. Identical. Amazing.
Back the story. Upon reviewing the shot of the convenience store funeral pit stop, I was delighted to discover that the shot...hazy white cloud of nothingness. Delighted because I thought it was apropos to have the very vehicle that transported dead bodies from one hub to another, was enigmatic as well. That's the kind of irony I like in life...and death I suppose.

I immediately sent a text to a colleague about the series of events and he reminded me that I am always the lucky one who gets juxtaposed in these kinds of macabre and unique scenarios. He brought up the time that I was stuck following behind a highway/road construction paint truck. You know, the elaborate and grease-globbed trucks that apply the white and yellow lines to asphalt. On the morning he referred to, I was crawling right behind the truck as it painted the white center stripe down highway 52. Much to my joy and disgust, I watched as the nozzle jetted a tidy white band directly over the top of an unidentifiable road kill. Possum or squirrel. I can't remember what I had gathered at the time. But it was remarkably funny and disturbing all at once.

The moral of this tale is simply, keep your eyes open and your mind disjointed enough to imagine great things when nature or consequence deals you a golden egg.

Please feel free to visit Connie's Blot as it is Very good Reading and she is a Dear Friend of mine! The Woman is FEARLESS! Thank You for your Contributions Connie~They are Priceless to me!


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